from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
