Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
