can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
