I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
