It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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