I have demons in me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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