Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
