that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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