i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
