I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
