apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
