In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Too much gin, very little bucket
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
