he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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