dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
