we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
