Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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