I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
