I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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