i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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