My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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