I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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