Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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