He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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