Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
