Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
