I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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