She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
