How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize