awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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