i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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