Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
