Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
