Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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