I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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