I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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