Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
