He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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