You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
