this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
