I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
