i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
