You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
