can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
