So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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