Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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