2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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