is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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