you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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