The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
