I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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