"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize