do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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