I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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