So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
