He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
