I'm so fucking centered right now
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
