I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
