one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
