my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
