I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
