just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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