have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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