I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
