Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize