i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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