I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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