im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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