He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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