Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
